lengthhhhhyyyy mannnnyyyy

hmmm...so much have been happening in my life lately..

firx it's d farewell of my greatgrammy to heaven, nxt is to receive a surprise visit from my ganmama(also my aunt), and then i've to go for my itp interview, n my ganmama went back to d states, n sort of learning d fact tt i'm in for my itp.

there's so muj emotions involved..like really alot..mix of ALL d emotions i've experience in my whole 19 years of life..i mean it..

i still rmbered when my mom woke me up at 4/5+am tt day and i tot i was late for school..but who knows, she told me tt my ah tai has passed away. i was shocked but i didn't feel anything at all, not sad or whatsoever. but upon reaching my ahtai's hse, seeing her laying sososo still..i kinda felt remorseful as i didn't visit her the past weekend, n went out for movie session instead..my grandaunt/uncs/grammy later then made me feel rly sad n empty as they were all blaming each other. i had to control my tears so bad as i really don't wish to let them see me tear(though they might not even notice! hahx!). and during d firx few days of d funeral, i was fuming mad or should i say jealousy overwhelmed me? cos of ------..i seriously dont know why i develop this overwhelming feeling too..d moment i see ------, hatred,jealousy,anger simply comes to me...n i cant stand d voice..i jux have to talkback to "stabilise" my feelings..it's like not on purpose n i simply NEEDED to do it. n during d prayer, there's this monk who talked to us on some philosophical stuff which really enlightened us(or to me at least)..he's like saying one should not be jealous,angry,greedy,etc..(basically all d sins in life)..n it makes me wanna go study buddhist study. hahahhax!!!

n i'm sosososooso GLAD!!! cos my ganmama called my mom telling her tt she'd come back to SG with her youngest son but it'd b a secret till they reach singapore as she wanna surprise everyone. and my mom n i had this "secret mission" to carry on on thurs midnight, that is to fetch her from d airport. n indeed, everyone was SUPER SHOCKED & SURPRISED!!! (esp. my grammy cos her expression was priceless!!! she gave this look which seem to b shocked,stunned,happy,sad..i cant explain luhx.) I simply spend almost everyday with them n playin with her son. It then suddenly make me don't wish to go school anymore. And everyday, i am always thinking of what i should do after i graduate from poly. To stay in singapore or leave here. (Of courx, my tot is to leave singapore. But deep down in me, i wanna stay. d reason i wanna leave is to avoid ------.) I simply skipped school for 3 consecutive days (aft d funeral)..went to pray n gathering, tour guiding, hair cutting, hotel staying, farewelling, homes visiting, train ridings tt few days..i felt really stress and all i wanna do is to relax n lead d laid back life like i used to..d feeling i had 3 years ago came back..i suddenly just wanna drop out of school again..and tt's wat i did 3 years back. it's dumb, i know! but i simply couldn't help...

as for my itp interview, it really didn't go so well (at least tt's what i feel)..my interview timing was 1130 but i reached there at like 1105?? cos i tot it would take about 15-20 mins to reach there. and i cab down from holland, which took me only like 10min?? cab fare was like dammmmmn cheap..$4++? so i took my time to go to d toilet and tried to figure out where's d office cos i only found d shopping mall. i walked up d slope from d outside n realised i could actually get in from d mall. reached the office at bout 11.15. and when i was went into d lift, 6th floor(d floor tt i'm gg) n some other higher floor was pressed. n i tot perhaps somebody else pressed wrongly. and then there's this caucasian taking his suit and talking to some lady bout some school/house stuff. "ding!", the lift doors opened at 6th floor, the caucasian walked out n so did i. n then he walked into this unit n i took out my phone to check which unit i'm supposed to go (still standing at the lift area). "UH-OH!!!"...it's d same unit tt i'm supposed to go to!!! i felt so nervous all of a sudden luhx...i walked in like damn slowly and carefully n saw the caucasian just got into his office room. and yadayada..i looked for d lady im supposed to look for and filled up d form..was interviewed (first in d office, then in d store).. i thought i'm a goner already...but i receive some good news (i suppose it's true?) today...((:

p.s i really hope time could pass more quickly so tt i can escape. & i really love my grammy ttm, my mom/dad (tho they're always so naggy n unreasonable at times)..and my ganmama too!!!!! i'm really blessed to have people like them as my family!!!!!!!